Getting the hell out of LA

After deciding to leave Edward and LA behind, I had to think like Jane Smith..SEXPERT   it didn't take me long to decide which direction to go. I needed the ocean, some sun... and wine. I walked out of the lobby that 2 days before I had walked into and was expecting the most amazing 5 days.  Instead my 'lover' was attending his conference and leaving me to my own devices.  Really? I have no problem finding something more fun to do.  I confidently walked up to the first cab... "Where is the ocean from here"?  I wasn't sure if it my Canadian accent or not but he looked at me like I had two heads.  He looked around to see if he was being filmed.. I guess that happens a lot in LA... I said "I need to go to the Ocean, I have no idea where it is from here other than, I'm guessing further West.. what would the closet city be at the ocean"?  He asked "Are you fleeing from someone?" "Yes", I said "a terrible lover".... "ah, ok, I thought there was going to be a car chase here, and I hate those so.. where would you like to go"?  Now I'm looking at him like he has two heads.  I shook my head to try and start over.  He told me Santa Monica was the closet city and it was ocean-side.  Perfect I thought, I've never been to Santa Monica. "Ok, lets go"... "well lady, I'm going to charge you about $100 for the cab...or... see that bus?, it will take you right there for $1.50, I would feel terrible taking your money, and well its' almost lunch time, I have an audition"... Now I'm looking around to see if someone is filming. Get me the fuck out of this city. "Fine, thank you for your help... and good luck with your audition."

Across the street as promised was the bus for $1.50 trip to Santa Monica. With my cute luggage, I traveled for an hour to the Ocean and what a great Ocean with was.  I could splurge on a hotel now after saving $100. However there were no rooms at the Inn... at any Inn for that matter.  Can you imagine what is like to walk around in the boiling sun for hours, dragging my horrible luggage from hotel to hotel only to be turned down over and over again? Now I'm stinky, sun burned, and needed a toilet. My last resort..get it resort? ..lol was a small-ish place across from the pier.  He said the only room he had left was behind reception beside the laundry rooms.  "I'll take it."  "You have to look at it first, to make sure it's suitable before I take your money."  He had no idea how desperate I was , I went back, looked at it, came back..smiled "I'll take it, I'll be here for 4 days."   What a glorious room it appeared to be. 

Freshened up, I plugged my phone in and I took off to explore.  Santa Monica is a beautiful city, fresh, clean, great restaurants, fabulous shopping and the night life was a riot. I spent my first evening at the pier, watching all the sites of a carnival.  The end of the pier was the most fun.  It was packed with all men who were fishing. Lucky me, I love men and I love fishing.  A man let me use his fishing rod, while he went to the bathroom.  He was gone a long time, his buddies were laughing.  "You know he didn't go to bathroom....he visits a hooker under the pier."  "Oh... well then he will likely catch something before me."   I fished to my hearts content. 

I made my way back to my hotel, stopping at every licensed establishment.  Upon arrival at my room, my phone was blinking.  I listened to Edwards plaintive messages, 'where was I, why had I left, was I coming back'.... it only took him 9 hrs to realize I was gone.  I was happy with my decision to head to SM, instead of spend another day in LA.   I texted him back to let him know I was in SM, and said he was more than welcome to join me in my awesome room beside the hotels' laundry room...lol.. he said he might be able to make it down in a couple of days.  My response.."it's ok Edward, this time together did not go as we had planned, it's fine. Good luck in your conference, I don't see any point in seeing each other again."  Time for me to move on.  Unfortunately I hadn't brought any toys with me...expecting a 6'3" man who didn't require batteries.. dammit!  I tried to sleep, for some reason they do hotel laundry alllllll night long :(   I couldn't get the zipper to my luggage open, I had to get scissors from the front desk to cut it open.  So I could access my treasures inside, like my toothbrush. Now I needed new luggage.  I might send Edward a bill for my added expenses. It could only go up hill from here. 

The next day I planned on walking to Venice beach, man is it hot here.. the sun was beating down relentlessly... hotter still on the beach with each little tiny grain of sand reflecting the sun back up from below.  I walked in the surf instead.. it was fucking glorious.  Did I mention I had the cutest sundress on , no underwear, and clearly see-through.  I look across the beach and spotted a man in a fabulous suit standing at the canteen that sells water... I suddenly felt very thirsty. I made my way over to the canteen, I looked at the man, he looked at me.  I had a great conversation with the guy  who ran the canteen the suited man said nothing...... oh well his loss.  I took my water and continued down the boardwalk.  I made it 100ft or so before I thought my flip flops were melting on the wooden trail. I sat down on a the closet empty bench, kicked off my flip flops, hiked up my dress, pushed my sunglasses back on my head and leaned back and closed my eyes to really take in the sounds and smells of the ocean.   I could have been there all day.  Without warning the sun was blocked and there in front of me was suited man.  "Hello" he said...without looking up... 'hi... why on earth are you in a suit on the beach?".... "I'm head of security for this hotel"... oh great I thought, it's a private beach and he's kicking me out.. no way.. I've found the perfect spot to forget Edward and LA and I wasn't going to leave.  "I wanted to talk to you when you bought your water but I was tongue tied.. I've never seen a woman with so much confidence and comfortable in her own skin before"... for a tongue tied man he was pretty talented.. 

"you don't see confident women on Venice beach..are you kidding me?" ... "all of them are vain..that's different"... he said... good answer I thought.  I told him I bought water because I wanted a closer look at the handsome man in a suit on the beach... he didn't believe me.. I opened my backpack and showed him the two full bottles I already had inside.. no his confidence was building.   It was clear we were attracted to each other. He sat with me, we talked for an hour.  What a sweet heart. He lives just outside of SM.  He gave me his pass to the hotel bar and pool and we agreed to meet when he was finished his shift.   We spent the next 4 days together, it was wonderful, he took me everywhere and showed me the sites.  We spent every night in the ocean followed by dinner and the rest of the night in his apt. What a glorious lover he was. I hadn't missed a beat. Jane Smith the Sexplorer has discovered an amazing man on the west coast. You just never know when/where you are going to meet someone so compatible.  He drove me to airport on the my last day. We spoke everyday while I was back home, I flew back a month later and stayed with him for two weeks.  One of the best holiday's I've ever had.  We continue to talk everyday although we are 3,000 miles apart.  His name is Eduardo... really it is. I exchanged one Ed for another, both from Spain... the universe has a great sense of humour.  I love it. 

~ Jane, the luckiest woman in the world!

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Single and Playing well with others :)

 


I was definitely starting  the next phase of my life.

I went to Shoppers Drug Mart and walked confidently down the condom aisle........ and kept right on walking down the aisle and around the corner.  I stopped a few aisles over and looked through some magazines.  My god, I am a single woman now!  I AM STRONG,  hear me roar.."ROAR" I marched right back down that aisle.  I stopped and was so goddam confused, since when is there more than 3 choices?   Christ on a stick, was I supposed to Google this whole thing first?   I knew my first choice was going to be a bright pretty box that touted ‘For Her Pleasure”, well that made perfect sense to me.  I bought 4 boxes in different colours.  Then I saw ‘small, medium, large and extra large’, really? who ever buys small?  I bought everything from medium up, hoping of course to have to refill the extra large box first. :) That aisle was pretty exciting, lubes, gels, heating, vibrating, some come with ‘thumb vibrators’, gotta get a few of those. The choices went on and on. I was feeling pretty 'cocky'.   My purchases were in my basket, I waltzed right up to that checkout, plopped every package down and smiled, she smiled, I smiled again, she was uncomfortable, the line up was building, I giggled nervously ‘ bachelorette  party’, she nodded her head knowingly, so did everyone in the line.  Apparently young women do this all the time.  I will have to work on this part.  I took them to my office and filed them.  Don’t ask me why, seemed like the most logical step at the time.  As it turns out they will come in very handy in the next little while, filed away under condoms, in my bottom drawer. *note to self, tell my girlfriend; if I die suddenly, throw my phone out, throw my laptop out and empty my bottom drawer.


After exploring a few options like leaving town and going out to bars, leaving town and going to ‘event’s, and finally leaving town to just maybe hopefully meet people I’ve never met before anywhere!  The only thing I learned was I had to leave town.  I hated that.  I love where I live, I am expected by some to stay here, where I live, my friends, my family, my clients, my eye doctor, doctor-doctor, dentist, they all love me.... I couldn’t leave.  I was spending more time away than here.  The choice was clear, get on the internet, write a few ridiculous paragraphs about myself, crop out my husband from my pictures and meet unknown axe murders.  Yup! That was the way to go!  I had a mission.   So began my mission to ‘sexplore’.  I forgot to mention, I wanted to have sex, and lots of it, with him, her, them, us, you guys over there.  I just wanted to do things I hadn’t done before.   So the online profile was started; long walks on the beach? No I actually hate the beach.  Candlelit dinners?  Not so much, must love animals? again no. I was reading other women’s profiles to get a ‘feel’ for what it was all about, none of them rang true for me. So I wrote something a little different.  I was honest, not too verbose but very succinct. 

“ so... I'm looking for that elusive "something", a great sexual compatibility....there are never any expectations... you never know where it's going to come from, generally speaking it starts with mutual attraction, so you must have a pic...( i won't talk to you unless you have a pic )  be willing to actually meet, do the cursory chemistry check, and whatever happens, happens, i don't want to marry you, most times I'm not even gonna care if you talk.

if it's great it will last....We'll have lots of fun, if it's not , it won't, no harm, no foul, and we move on. easy, no drama, neither one of us having to flee in the middle of the nite....

first date? how quaint, lets meet for a drink and do the chemistry check, you’re coming to me and you’re buying”
 Well, let the games begin.  I was pretty sure what I wanted and what I didn’t want.  These online sites all ask for a profile picture, that’s only fair. How on earth would you ever know if you were attracted to someone unless you see their pic first.  I added one, then I added some more, I didn't’ want to play any silly games of having a 15 year old pic, I took new ones and added them.  I am a BBW ( big beautiful woman) and I wasn’t hiding it.  I was an overweight woman, who was 47 years old, had 3 grown children, lived in a tiny, tiny apartment, in a really small town...and I wouldn’t change a thing.  I am what I am, and I love it!  My body has been through a lot, but it’s my temple and there were/are many men who worship here. 

 I put my profile up on a few sites.  Then I walk away.  I don’t search anyone, I don’t message anyone, I don’t go back on until I need to answer a message from someone.  My next victim was just around the corner.  We talked online for days, it’s was so much fun talking to people I would never otherwise have met.  We talked, we flirted, we emailed.  You get that little excitement in your tummy when you see mail from that male.   He was beginning to sound too good to be true and my 47 years of life have taught me to double check.  He was married, he was 27, and he had no plans to actually ever meet he just liked what he considered the ‘dirty talk’ so he could masturbate to it.  I blasted him from here to kingdom come!  What a waste of time.  On the other hand I learned more lessons and added to my rule book.  Rule number 5;  (you will read rule numbers 1-4 further on) some men are sneaky, I know, I know, women are too, blah, blah, blah.  But overall men are more so, they want sex and lots of it with no questions asked.  So in the future have a few conversations with him, lull him into a false sense of security, gently tell him you are interested in a 3some, ask if he is attached and could we all meet.  You will be amazed how many men will say, a) I am married but my wife would never..... b) I am exclusive to one woman, she would never....c) I'm attached and yes she would be interest.... and finally....d) nope no partner we will have to find one.  Date “D”.  Walk away from the liars, they will make you and someone else’s life miserable.  If a guy were reading this he would defend man-kind and say woman-kind were just as bad, perhaps we are but I'm not trying to date a woman.

 So I have penned in my first date.  I don't 'pencil' in a date, if they can't made a solid plan with me I'm not interested.

 My first date!  How exciting, I’ve not dated in years, what do I wear? AGH!!!!!!  Pants? Dress?  Flat shoes, high shoes, perfume? body spray? Do I take condoms? NO!!!  I decided to be myself, wear pants, a great bra, and nice blouse with semi high shoes.  My ‘date’ was a 6’8” biker type guy.  Dirty jeans, dirtier shoes that his feet didn’t fit into, sitting at a table too small for him, nursing a beer, looking sad and crazy at the same time.  He does not look like his picture. That’s when I learned rule number 1, do not meet anyone for the first time for dinner.  Looking back on it, I don't recall saying I would meet him for dinner.  I had said drink.....  I would become a pro later on, but these earlier days were ridiculously silly and a huge waste of my time.  My only thought was how do I gracefully leave?  I can’t, I’m stuck.  He had ordered a beer for me, didn’t ask me what I wanted just ordered everything for me.  Before I was finished my beer the appetizer arrived, I don’t like too much seafood and this was the seafood I don’t like.  I would be graceful under most circumstances but I am not putting anything in my mouth I don’t like, that too would change later but now I’m sticking to it. 

The dinner conversation was dismal.  He is bankrupt, he lives in a room, in a house owned by someone else, he can’t work, he is fighting with his ex, he doesn’t get to see his 6 yr old son; did I mention my kids were grown up?  The dinner arrived...which I hadn't even ordered...egads, a very ungraceful burger piled about 6 inches high.  How the hell or why would you eat something so big and awkward on a first date, this meal is for a 4th or 5th date, when you don’t mind dripping mustard down your chin onto the front of you shirt and you might even be able to pull off looking cute and silly doing it.  I couldn’t imagine it getting any worse.  It did.  He said he liked me.  Really?  I’ve not spoken yet. Maybe he likes the quiet type.  I’m not the quiet type.  I am however the type with manners and I didn’t want to interrupt him while he was spilling his guts about his horrible life.

Wow, what a catch he would be.  I would make all the money, babysit the child while he went to meet his ex to fight over everything it seems.   I discovered it would get worse.  He said women dated him because he was so tall and had such big feet...wink, wink, nudge, nudge!  He reflected back and says he wants to date for reasons other than that.   I just chewed on my hamburger, hoping for mustard to fall down my shirt or choke so I could leave.  I don’t know how but it got worse still.  He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, he said if I fell in love with him I would have to nurse him until he got better.  At that point  I literally looked around the pub to see if my friends were hiding somewhere or I was on hidden camera.  It was over the top unbelievable.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I got up, thanked him for coming to meet me and wished him luck in his search.  Date number one, done, off the list, on to bigger...well maybe not bigger....but it had to get better.

~Jane... learning to run and run fast!

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A fun nite

Fun at the Club, Swingers, Sex, Dance Pole, Sibian!

You ever have one of those nites that is so fun you smile the whole next day?

Last night was definitely one of those nites. Work at my day job until 8pm-ish. Successful meeting so all was going in the right direction.  I was meeting friends at a 'swingers' club west of the city.  Ok.. let me explain 'swingers' club.. maybe on most nites but this nite was set up for .....Karaoke and jamming sessions.. too funny. Where is the swinging? Anyway I didn't know we were going for the 'jam' session.  I was dressed to swing with a great bra! NEVER underestimate the power of fab bra. Black lace tunic blouse over a black satin bra with just the right amount of pink lace peeking out of the top accentuating the milky white cleavage. (milky white only because it's April.. it will be soon be sun kissed golden :) )     anyway... great black sexy slinky pants with a black thong.. ok stage is set and !!!!!! it's karaoke!   Two of my friends are there when I walk in, familiarize myself with the bar and the owner ALWAYS the two first steps :) Walk around a bit to see what's what and pick the best vantage point to sit, be able to keep an eye on things around me and keep an eye of available men coming in the door.  I am a clever, clever girl.   There were 10 people there so far... so.. my plan was falling apart.... I had my choice of seating, but didn't have my choice of men, they appeared to be all paired with someone already!!!!! dammit!!!! Didn't they realize I was wearing my lucky bra?

People are wondering in, a nice mix of young and not so old, some single, some not. I start my nite with glass of house red.  Gabby from http://www.wonderland4all.com has told me there is a single man coming, and can he come in on my 'ticket' as it's less expensive to come in as a couple. lol 'ok' says I.  Then he will owe me a drink.  A very good looking young man is sitting behind me, he looks like a flashback to 1964, he looks like a young Beatle.  My friends have joined together now.  Lots of 'hello's' 'how ya doing?' going around.  Lots of laughs and sharing drinks and stories of the past week.  Apparently Gabby's friend Keith is there to jam with the band.... oh.. someone who has some talent, nice. I wasn't expecting that. I thought I would be the talent and get up and screech out a song or two.. I am saved the humiliation.  I am willing to do it for my friends to add some laughs to the evening. Keith gets up, plugs himself in and start to play.. great sound. Good work Keith. Gabby's single man friend comes in, I turn around to be introduced to him....... I know him, and know him intimately.  We had been lovers for quite some time about a year ago.  Can you spell "Awkward"?

I ended our 'friendship', no reason to state why but I did.   We never saw each other again until last night.  Everyone was shocked we knew each other. I reached out graciously and shook his hand.  " We are shaking hands now?".... I leaned in the 'kiss and hug'... it was nice to see him again.. we are both as gorgeous as ever...lol

The night was great, past lover was there to jam as well, it was nice to see him play guitar, I knew he played but had never played in my presence before.  At the same time a very young man walked into the club, wearing dress pants, a vest and a bowtie...lol  He asked to join our table.  I asked him how 'work' was...lol   He had just come from a private party where he stripped for the girls...it was as obvious from the cocky way he was still strutting his well filled pants.  We all laughed.  It's so much fun being my age  and having a lot of experience in life to be able to have fun with someone younger.  (plus...he was so God damn cute)

The night went on, he showed us a few 'moves' so typical of any stripper.  I asked if I could take a pic of him to post on my twitter HERE  he sadly declined... he is stripping for cash only he has Political aspirations.  My, my he has a brain.. ok. I can deal with that. My friends took me for a tour of the club... it's always interesting to see what people do to decorate such a place, make it feel like a great, exotic place to be. Lighting, stripping poles, cages for whatever you want, the further you go into the club the more obvious it becomes it's a swinger/sex club, towels, lubes, lotions, beds of all shapes and sizes, bars, straps, toys, oh my!  Very little privacy, but then again if you are there, you are not going to privacy, being an exhibitionist or a voyeur can be all part of it. I explored to my hearts content, the landscape was so interesting. There was a big heavy black curtain the size of a wall, I pushed it aside and peered in... oh! I guessing now the curtain was the 'private' part...whoops 'sorry guys' continue on... I'm leaving'.... shit.. note to self  'don't go behind closed doors or curtains'... always learning.  So I follow the sound of the band back to the front of the club... my ex-lover is up playing with the band now... fun to see, (he is so pretty).  I join the group and start talking to 27yr old stripper again, we decided to take a walk into the back, I showed him one of the 'toys' I had played on before, he was fascinated.. he understood why a woman would want to ride that toy, there was no way his unit would perform like that mechanical stud was.... haha.  We walked around the furniture and there was a gorgeous black leather chaise out in the open.  He pushed me over towards it, I didn't resist toooo much, he leaned me over the back and pushed himself against my ass... my...my... he was hard and large.  It was natural to grind back against him, he led me over to the front of the chaise, sat me down, and he went to this knees... nice.  He was very talented and I enjoyed him/it a lot.  ahhhhhhh.  He had this wonderful sexy look in his eyes, I changed spots with him and pushed him down on the bed/chair, unbuttoned his vest, took off his bowtie, and started kissing him.  He had a gorgeous chest, he works out.  I looked behind me and one of my friends had walked in.. alright, was he here to watch or just walking through, it didn't matter, I wasn't stopping.  Stripper said he never had anyone play with him like that before..''how is that possible'' I asked.. "you meet women all day"  "I know, but they always expect me to perform, no one ever plays with me"... he says.. "well then lay back and enjoy''.  Experience counts for so much, being able to kiss, lick and tickle him at the same time and rub his throbbing cock thru his dress pants... great material btw.  My friend is watching and not really talking, always a turn on for me to see that my work is being appreciated. I quickly unbuckle his pants and unzip slowly.  His cock literally jumps up out of it's trap inside the pants.  Oh, he is beautiful.  He is moaning loudly now and trying to hold one of my hands, "I need both of my hands please"... lol.  The difference I have found with younger men vs older men is that their unit is always throbbing and ready to be played with and play with it I shall.. I love giving oral pleasure to men. They are so appreciative :).  I cupped and rolled his balls around gently, tugging a little to see what he will tolerate, I externally massage his p-spot just under his balls, the moaning is getting louder and he is in heaven as I was not too long ago.  When he least expects it, I touch my tongue to the head of his penis, he raises his hips off of the chaise to get closer to me,  I am making all the right moves because he is making all the right moves back.. Men are so easy. lol.  I brought him to an exploding orgasm.  I laughed, he panted.  It was great fun.  When he recovered, he sat up.. "honestly 'jane' that is the best sexual experience I have ever had in my life'.... "I know" I say confidently.. He leans over and kisses me long, deep and warm.  He is shocked he was attracted to an older woman in the first place, and then even more shocked he has experienced something so evasive. He is still shaking and weak as a kitten when we walk back out to my friends.  He walks out with only his pants on,  which is funny by itself, he sits down finishes his drink, says to my friends.. 'that was the best sexual experience of my life'... ' thank you' I say, 'a beautiful 27 yr old stripper has just given me street credit'... I knew it, my friends wondered how I was always surrounded by so many men, now I have another puppy who is going to follow me around for awhile..

 Its good to be me.  I am Jane Smith, the Man Whisper!!!!

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