One Of The Best Nights Of Sex Ever - My Threesome

I have a Fuck-it List.  And on that list is a three-some.  What is really was, was I wanted to sexplore being with a woman, BUT if I didn't like it I wanted a man there to take over.  Well thought out, well planned and in the bed, well played.

I can't remember a time in my life that I was nervous.  This was it. I knew what I wanted, I wanted to have an orgasm, I wanted to perform oral sex on 'her', I wanted to give her an orgasm, I wanted it to be very erotic, and if I had a choice I would like her to have big breasts.

David was quite attractive, he asked me out, I asked the usual questions.... are you a sexual deviant? .... do you make your own money? ... do you drive and actually own car?.... what is your living situation?.... STOP! he was living with his wife.  I started to walk away and he said.."I'm asking you out to go to our home and meet my wife... I got the sense you wanted to explore something". This man was not only attractive he was clever as well.  "Why yes, in fact I do want to sexplore something".  I needed to prepare, I needed to shave my legs and ...... I told him to get his wife to call me later.  His wife did call, we had a great chat an decided to meet at my place on the weekend.

I had to prepare, fresh sheets, one more pillow, clean the place, make some food, buy some wine, maybe bake some of 'those cookies'.... and consult a friend of mine who had been in this situation many times.  "They sound like they do this all the time, so they will take the lead and basically Jane, if anything passes in front of your mouth.... either lick it or suck it".  Great advice.

I started with some wine.  Then more wine, and.... a little bit more to ease my nerves.  'Ding dong'...they're here.  David looked good, she looked great with gorgeous breasts!   We sat down and got to know each other. David asked a number of times if it was time to go to the bedroom.. OMG! men never change!  She and I laughed and told him to calm down.  She and I got to know each other... laughed about the fact that we each needed to shave our legs before we met...David was bored... we didn't care.   I served a little snack and cocktails.  At some point she leaned over and kissed me, that was the starting gun, it was time to retire to the bedroom.  David had his clothes off before we left the couch.  I got up from the couch and stumbled... oh shit, waaaay too much wine.  I needed to water to now to counteract the alcohol in my bloodstream. more water, maybe a little more. 

Amanda and I took our time in the bedroom,  slowly undressing each other, talking and kissing, David was stroking himself.  He was not going to be able to make it if he didn't slow down. We allowed David to join us now, he started with a deep kiss to me, then a kiss with Amanda.

It was like a well trained orchestra and David was the conductor.  I was well stocked with dildos, rope, blind-folds, anal beads, lubrication, vibrators, massage oil and so on and so on.   He moved effortlessly between Amanda and I kissing, stroking, pinching nipples, we were in a perfect human triangle.  His lips on my pussy, my lips on her pussy, her lips on his cock. We were changing positions based on David's arousal, Amanda was slowly him down.  He was finally allowed to enter me and he was beautiful...perfectly shaped cock, great length and girth for me and he hit my G-spot dead on.  Amanda was kissing me and sucking my nipples.  David turned me over doggy-style and Amanda was her back while I went between her legs.  This all made so much sense, doggy is one of my favourite positions and now I had something to do while I was facing the sheets.. there was a gorgeous woman there.  I was being pleased and I made sure I pleased her.  We kissed and suckled each others breasts.  I came in squirting bliss.  David was so aroused, Amanda doesn't squirt.  He nearly came inside me.  He pulled out quickly to make sure he finished in Amanda, that is 'their' rule. He entered Amanda and I continued kissing her until they both came together.

It was a perfect night.  We all stayed in bed for the rest of the night, we moved around each other all night, once in a while one of us would fall asleep and the other two would play.  The morning came too quickly.  We said our sleepy good byes' at the door.  I smiled constantly for a week.  I finally had had my three-some and had no idea why I waited so long.  We saw each other often.  Amanda went away for the summer and our 3some fun just sort of  faded away.  I didn't want to be with David alone.. not sure how he felt about that, but that was the truth.   My fuck-it list was coming along really well.  NEXT!

~Jane, big smile while I remember that nite.

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Getting the hell out of LA

After deciding to leave Edward and LA behind, I had to think like Jane Smith..SEXPERT   it didn't take me long to decide which direction to go. I needed the ocean, some sun... and wine. I walked out of the lobby that 2 days before I had walked into and was expecting the most amazing 5 days.  Instead my 'lover' was attending his conference and leaving me to my own devices.  Really? I have no problem finding something more fun to do.  I confidently walked up to the first cab... "Where is the ocean from here"?  I wasn't sure if it my Canadian accent or not but he looked at me like I had two heads.  He looked around to see if he was being filmed.. I guess that happens a lot in LA... I said "I need to go to the Ocean, I have no idea where it is from here other than, I'm guessing further West.. what would the closet city be at the ocean"?  He asked "Are you fleeing from someone?" "Yes", I said "a terrible lover".... "ah, ok, I thought there was going to be a car chase here, and I hate those so.. where would you like to go"?  Now I'm looking at him like he has two heads.  I shook my head to try and start over.  He told me Santa Monica was the closet city and it was ocean-side.  Perfect I thought, I've never been to Santa Monica. "Ok, lets go"... "well lady, I'm going to charge you about $100 for the cab...or... see that bus?, it will take you right there for $1.50, I would feel terrible taking your money, and well its' almost lunch time, I have an audition"... Now I'm looking around to see if someone is filming. Get me the fuck out of this city. "Fine, thank you for your help... and good luck with your audition."

Across the street as promised was the bus for $1.50 trip to Santa Monica. With my cute luggage, I traveled for an hour to the Ocean and what a great Ocean with was.  I could splurge on a hotel now after saving $100. However there were no rooms at the Inn... at any Inn for that matter.  Can you imagine what is like to walk around in the boiling sun for hours, dragging my horrible luggage from hotel to hotel only to be turned down over and over again? Now I'm stinky, sun burned, and needed a toilet. My last resort..get it resort? ..lol was a small-ish place across from the pier.  He said the only room he had left was behind reception beside the laundry rooms.  "I'll take it."  "You have to look at it first, to make sure it's suitable before I take your money."  He had no idea how desperate I was , I went back, looked at it, came back..smiled "I'll take it, I'll be here for 4 days."   What a glorious room it appeared to be. 

Freshened up, I plugged my phone in and I took off to explore.  Santa Monica is a beautiful city, fresh, clean, great restaurants, fabulous shopping and the night life was a riot. I spent my first evening at the pier, watching all the sites of a carnival.  The end of the pier was the most fun.  It was packed with all men who were fishing. Lucky me, I love men and I love fishing.  A man let me use his fishing rod, while he went to the bathroom.  He was gone a long time, his buddies were laughing.  "You know he didn't go to bathroom....he visits a hooker under the pier."  "Oh... well then he will likely catch something before me."   I fished to my hearts content. 

I made my way back to my hotel, stopping at every licensed establishment.  Upon arrival at my room, my phone was blinking.  I listened to Edwards plaintive messages, 'where was I, why had I left, was I coming back'.... it only took him 9 hrs to realize I was gone.  I was happy with my decision to head to SM, instead of spend another day in LA.   I texted him back to let him know I was in SM, and said he was more than welcome to join me in my awesome room beside the hotels' laundry room...lol.. he said he might be able to make it down in a couple of days.  My response.."it's ok Edward, this time together did not go as we had planned, it's fine. Good luck in your conference, I don't see any point in seeing each other again."  Time for me to move on.  Unfortunately I hadn't brought any toys with me...expecting a 6'3" man who didn't require batteries.. dammit!  I tried to sleep, for some reason they do hotel laundry alllllll night long :(   I couldn't get the zipper to my luggage open, I had to get scissors from the front desk to cut it open.  So I could access my treasures inside, like my toothbrush. Now I needed new luggage.  I might send Edward a bill for my added expenses. It could only go up hill from here. 

The next day I planned on walking to Venice beach, man is it hot here.. the sun was beating down relentlessly... hotter still on the beach with each little tiny grain of sand reflecting the sun back up from below.  I walked in the surf instead.. it was fucking glorious.  Did I mention I had the cutest sundress on , no underwear, and clearly see-through.  I look across the beach and spotted a man in a fabulous suit standing at the canteen that sells water... I suddenly felt very thirsty. I made my way over to the canteen, I looked at the man, he looked at me.  I had a great conversation with the guy  who ran the canteen the suited man said nothing...... oh well his loss.  I took my water and continued down the boardwalk.  I made it 100ft or so before I thought my flip flops were melting on the wooden trail. I sat down on a the closet empty bench, kicked off my flip flops, hiked up my dress, pushed my sunglasses back on my head and leaned back and closed my eyes to really take in the sounds and smells of the ocean.   I could have been there all day.  Without warning the sun was blocked and there in front of me was suited man.  "Hello" he said...without looking up... 'hi... why on earth are you in a suit on the beach?".... "I'm head of security for this hotel"... oh great I thought, it's a private beach and he's kicking me out.. no way.. I've found the perfect spot to forget Edward and LA and I wasn't going to leave.  "I wanted to talk to you when you bought your water but I was tongue tied.. I've never seen a woman with so much confidence and comfortable in her own skin before"... for a tongue tied man he was pretty talented.. 

"you don't see confident women on Venice beach..are you kidding me?" ... "all of them are vain..that's different"... he said... good answer I thought.  I told him I bought water because I wanted a closer look at the handsome man in a suit on the beach... he didn't believe me.. I opened my backpack and showed him the two full bottles I already had inside.. no his confidence was building.   It was clear we were attracted to each other. He sat with me, we talked for an hour.  What a sweet heart. He lives just outside of SM.  He gave me his pass to the hotel bar and pool and we agreed to meet when he was finished his shift.   We spent the next 4 days together, it was wonderful, he took me everywhere and showed me the sites.  We spent every night in the ocean followed by dinner and the rest of the night in his apt. What a glorious lover he was. I hadn't missed a beat. Jane Smith the Sexplorer has discovered an amazing man on the west coast. You just never know when/where you are going to meet someone so compatible.  He drove me to airport on the my last day. We spoke everyday while I was back home, I flew back a month later and stayed with him for two weeks.  One of the best holiday's I've ever had.  We continue to talk everyday although we are 3,000 miles apart.  His name is Eduardo... really it is. I exchanged one Ed for another, both from Spain... the universe has a great sense of humour.  I love it. 

~ Jane, the luckiest woman in the world!

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Present Day... Past Saturday Night.

It's Monday evening, I'm still recovering from a crazy Saturday night at a wonderful club I was introduced to called  "Wonderland4all".....

You are stepping through the looking glass into a safe space of Swink, to explore your body and soul and let all the sensuous and delicious wet dreams you’ve been hiding deep in the seeds of your inner desire come to fruition. This is a completely different experience than all of the typical club experiences you normally get. This environment is comfortable and prepared. We want you to orgasm like you never have before. We are swinging kinksters and kinky swingers and everything in between. 

'nuf said... The night started with a few drinks, and saying 'hello's' to everyone we've met before and 'hell-ooo' to the new people.  On the agenda was BDSM 101 workshop taught by Nymphetamean.. a professional  Dom (1710-20; short for Latin dominus lord or master &  domina for mistress) ..I sat between "John and Adam' not their real names one was in his late 50's the other in his early 30's... two age brackets I find particularly attractive :)  It's always fun to watch new people see in real life what they have only dreamed  about since their puberty.  We were all watching a woman wearing a corset, holding a flogger over her 'subs' back.   The thing to note here for all non-BDSM folks is the number 1 rule of the Dom is make sure her sub is safe and her sub is satisfied.  I wish I was a sub...alas  I too am a Dom.   I have been called Queen Jane and Domina for most of my adult years.

I went to this party with my friend... lets call her Joan...no she has corrected me she wants to be "Shelby".  She has always been pretty vanilla in a swingers/kinky club, so with great pleasure I watched as she watched and had a few drinks.  As with anyone who has a few drinks their level of inhibition lowers as the alcohol volume rises...it's kind of like getting into a tub of water and watching the water being displaced by your body.  It's all science I figure.  BDSM 101 is a bit pedestrian  for me so I choose to take photo's and wander around the room meeting new people and making them feel comfortable.  Once the workshop was finished and the room put back to normal, the 'new vac-u bed' came out.  And what a coming out party it was.   The vac-u bed is a twin sized envelope wrapped around a frame that you slip into and only your face is exposed then the vacuum is attached and the air is sucked out. Yes, exactly like the bags you store your clothes or bedlinens in to reduce their size.  I would have gone in to reduce my size but once the vacuum is released you are back to normal...damn!  Everyone was looking at it with shock, surprise, interest and quiet desire to be the one to go in.  One young lady who hadn't spoken a word was closest to it... so I said "Hey you should go first, just take everything off except undergarments"..... and she did.  I was so surprised there wasn't any objection, her clothes fluttered to the floor with her boyfriends help.

A latex vacbed is the ultimate in total latex bondage.  The possibilities for playful activities between the person inside and the person outside are almost unlimited!
But... what is it?
Remember in The Empire Strikes Back when Han Solo is frozen in Carbonite? It's a little like that, but less sinister, and a LOT more fun.
The idea of a vacbed is that a person enters a latex bag or enclosure, is provided with a way to breathe the outside air, and then a vacuum cleaner removes the air from inside the enclosure to seal the person inside. The sensation is similar to a full body latex hug, with a strong sense of bondage but very little pressure on any single part of the body. The bondage is comfortable, stretchy and you can feel contact, impact, vibration and temperature (ice/warming) through the latex.
The visual on the outside is that of a person perfectly form fitted with latex. With the application of shiner the vacbed gleams and shows off every curve of the body inside. 

 * note the personalization of this bed.. ....and 4 ..... stands for Wonderland 4 All....

This is our first victim.. everything you feel inside the bed is heightened.  The feel of an ice cube on the outside feels like cold water running everywhere.  Imagine tickling someones feet in there? It would be torture.  I tickled her foot, and yes it was torture.  I do this purely for research :)

Shelby the vanilla girl was dying to try it...she who wouldn't unbutton her sweater earlier was, with alcohol induced bravery stripping before the other poor victim was released.  She came with me so she wanted me to pick a man who would give her the experience she was looking for. OMG finally my chance to be a pimp!  "Who wants to drop ice and rub my girlfriends body in the latex Vac U bed?"  ...lol  there were a number of takers so I picked the cutest one.  He was 30, never been here before, he was Iranian, and oh so handsome.   He is a Mechanical Engineer who has lived in Hong Kong, Germany, Italy, France and now Canada and he's looking for a Condo downtown... (I'm also a Real Estate Broker :) ) so it's a win/win, my friend gets the attention of a lovely, sexual young man, and I get great conversation... I will meet with him next week to show him some condos.  I love my jobs.  Shelby loved the bed, and has since researched the cost to own one.  After her exposure, pun intended, with the new bed, she moved quickly on to a fellow who was doing foot massages, he's a reflexologist, BUT he also has foot fetish, he no longer does reflex, as he didn't think it was proper to have people pay him for that if he wasn't going to be able to concentrate.  I mentioned to Shelby that he has a foot fetish.. her question, 'will he get off on my feet'?... "well not on your feet"  was my reply "but it may lead to something else, you need to have a discussion with him".  So they did and she let him massage her feet. It was a negotiation like I've never heard before... it was more complicated the the G summit, she might be less inhibited from alcohol but her spidey senses still worked.

He pulled my foot up occasionally to massage mine..."you need to take off your fishnet stockings to get the real feel for it".. "I'm good right now thanks"... I have somehow traded personalities with my girlfriend who was exploring things she had never considered before, it was wonderful to see her enjoy herself.  I'm sure the bed will be delivered soon.

I made my way around the joint and met a number of couples who were new to the 'lifestyle', they had a lot of questions that I couldn't really answer but I was able to introduce them to the people who could.  And the birthday festivities went on... the place was full, people were talking, people were making out, people were being flogged here and there, people were playing with wax,  people were being introduced to electric play and the list goes on.  My 30yr Iranian man was following me around like a puppy, we were texting each other from all over the house, he would ask me where I was, I would text/tell him then I would leave, I think I've started a new form of foreplay for myself, I enjoyed the sneaking around quite a bit, and when he did find me he couldn't do anything because I would join in on public conversations that would be obvious if I left all of a sudden.  Young men are tireless.. thank God.

The birthday girl made her appearance and her prize was to be straddled on the Sybian. The OMG female masturbator, that moves like no c*ck ever could.  She was handcuffed above her head her bottom was bared and so the spanking began.. where else could you get a better birthday spanking than a kink club... no where I tell you!  

 3am came earlier than it usually does, a last look around the place to say good bye to everyone and look for my friend... and what do my wandering eyes see....  I see Shelby with her shirt and bra off on her stomach being given a sensual back massage by former foot massage boy... "we negotiated further" she says. Another drink was in order it was going to be a longer night than I planned. I would hate to pull Shelby away from her new experiences... what are friends for!

How many of the readers have been to a club like this? 


~Jane Smith
The tame sane one on this night. :(

cum see me and my friends on FB..you'll be glad you did.

The "Jane Smith" show @ a local pub !

My blog is going to bounce all over the earth's timeline.... 1970, 2013 and everywhere in between.... I'm am sure I am the first undiagnosed adult with A.D.D...... oh butterfly.... my father used to say...'if her head wasn't screwed on she wouldn't know where she left it'.... I'm pretty sure it was said out of love and respect :-/

             everything in my head is  bouncing around like a ping bong ball.... thoughts, phrases, stories, cliches, music lyrics, quotes, the inevitable work 'stuff'... and most often play stuff... I have such a hard time concentrating on work stuff.... that's probably why I have always been my own boss... no one else can rein me in.  I am a square twisty peg in a round hole.. if there is box... I jump over or around it, if there is still something to be seen or done with friends or family, I won't go to bed until I've seen it or done it.  I am generally the last one to close my eyes and the first one to open them in the morning.... I don't get out of bed of course, I luxuriate horizontally until my body and mind are one and say 'get up and get some shit done!' hence again... why I work for myself.  I am a great boss btw.  I give out bonus's on a regular basis. I take myself out to lunch often.  I take myself to the salon for pedicures, I pay people to do things for me that I don't like to do.  People say I'm lucky... and I say 'yes... the harder I work the luckier I am'.   I sat down to write today about a night out last night and my mind has already explained to the hands that I can't keep a straight thought for longer than a minute or two before..... oh butterfly..... and my mind veers off in a completely different direction... I will get to the real story as soon as I finish writing why I've not gotten to it yet :)


I have two companies... one I work at daily.. with my real name and my real job.  The other was one was started because I'm single at this glorious age and needed to just have some plain ole fun. My real day job offices are in a century home, tons and tons of space for work and entertaining. And entertain we do.... often.   I couldn't get up this morning without counting the number of overnight guests.  The beds were filled to capacity and all 4 couches were full.  AND that's just a Wednesday night... again can't work for anyone else.. how would I explain to 'the boss' that I have to see my overnight guests get coffee and breakfast before they leave.. 'the boss' wouldn't understand, people are so judgmental.

Last evening was spent at a local club, showing my wares.  My 'wares' consist of things that heat up, cool down, speed up, speed down, vibrate, entice, make things slippery, make things hard, make things tasty and generally with any luck things that go bump all nite long. 

Did I forget to mention in my quest for 'sexploration' that started early in my life I opened an Adult Novelty Business just for fun?   If I didn't  I'm sorry, it's been pretty hectic around here. Show and tell has  a new meaning for me :) Hence the blog, I tell all.   If you don't want to be talked about don't come near me.  I can't keep a secret, I am not discreet in any way shape or form.  If I can be the centre of attention with a microphone, I will keep you occupied for hours... and all the stories I have heard or experienced will be told... I have no filter.  Again self employed.  I will, if I'm talking or writing slowly enough try to change the names.  My rule is... If your name is "Scott" ( Scott lol) you will become a name with the next letter in the alphabet... hence Scott became Tim.  "Tim" was  little confused in the middle of passionate sex I yelled out "Tim" instead of Scott.  He totally understood, he went into my book as Tim and he was quite happy about it...although I have just told you all he is Scott. AND Tim/Scott is serving me drinks tomorrow nite as I deliver some Adult toys to his place for his new gal pal.  :) I am a Renaissance woman after all.  

So..back to the reason for this blog today/tonight... it's been in draft stage all day, I had to run out and show and sell some real estate,  it's 10:20pm here in my part of Canada and I'm back at the computer finally. 

We had booked this show about a month ago so we had alot of time to advertise and we did a stunning job.  We were a full house. We arrived 2 hrs before the alloted time.  We set up our tables filled with toys all over the bar.  People were filing in.  My friends from the city were here, it was time to get started.   I had had a few glasses of wine to get started.  Walked up the stage...

"Hello everyone and welcome to our Sex Show... Is anyone else and wet as me?"

People in this town are pretty vanilla and were shocked with my opening line...it made perfect sense to me... I had been unloading my vehicle in the rain for an hour... I was soaked.  Everyone loosened up, after that, nothing like shock therapy to get everyone in the right mood to talk about sex. They felt pretty safe that that was the worst it was going to get... they were so wrong.   My friends knew what to expect from me, the poor bastards.... I mean the poor people there for the show were shocked over and over again... really they were, literally... one of our newest and biggest sellers is an electric play!  A relatively safe static wand......lololololol         They were all virgins in this circus tonight , and I was the ringmaster, I had whips and everything.  :)

 I was so in charge, I was working that room, everyone was in the palm of my hand,  everyone was responding to my obvious charms, they were laughing, they were warming up to me... I was their new best friend.... then suddenly someone I knew from a few years ago walked into the bar and sat with my friends.   It wasn't just someone, it was someone I had had a passionate and interesting fling with a year before.  If you've read my blog "A Fun Nite", you will now who this person is.  The completely startling thing was when I was seeing him he would never come east of Toronto into the 'burbs'... He was too snobby to drive in that direction..lol I had bugged him about for over a year.....and of all the gin joints in all the world he showed up at my gin joint when I was on stage with a dildo in one hand and microphone in the other extolling the virtues of said soft large dildo for the less than shy users........ this was the 'oh my god' dildo/vibrator ....REALLY? what events transpired today in the universe to conspire to put this event together tonight?  Really? I still had 1/2 left of my show to do and he was sitting back in his chair smiling the whole time.  I missed a step, but then I was back on track, I got a standing ovation for my troubles... then it was off to socialize with my fans...lol  I never bought another drink, in my small world I was  Queen tonight...always fun.  Now that I was off the stage everyone wanted to talk, it was great fun, no sex question was off limits, I had invited a lot of knowledgeable people who could answer the plethora of questions coming our way.  There were so many interesting people there with great questions.  It was great to be in a room with people who felt really comfortable to ask questions about their own sexuality.  There were mostly couples which was great, they were so curious and that is always so healthy. 

The night at the pub ended on a great note, packing up saying good night to everyone and realizing the party was coming home with me..... OK :-/        My ex lover came back as well... again stunned because he would never come before, now that I'm not seeing him he's there.  We all had drinks and someone had brought food.. even better.. I'd not had time for dinner so the feast began... we ate and drank until the wee hours of the morning, everyone made their way to my beds, my couches.  My friend and I stayed up and chatted after everyone went to sleep it was lovely to catch up.  When we were seeing each other it was so much fun.  We saw each other often and had great fun all over the city.   He's very Dominant at a time when I was looking to sexplore that.   He was beautifully dominant always in charge but at the basis of it all looking after my best sexual interest... It was always about me first.  The rest is fodder for another blog when I do a 'flashback'... it's all good fun.

meanwhile, while I am writing this tonight I got a call from a California number.. I didn't answer it, the only person I know in California is working tonight and wouldn't be calling me.  Then a random text "yes"  I texted back 'no'... the respondent was confused... hehe.. he/she didn't realize he/she had texted and called the wrong number.. I could play with this person all night, really mess with them.   Would that be mean? yes! would that be wrong? yes! would it be fun? yes!  hey they started it.   We texted back and forth for a bit.  It was evident it was a man on the other side of the country.  I told you I'm the MAN WHISPERER.  I can tell.  My sappy nature kicked in.. I had to tell him I wasn't the person his missives were meant for.... he thought it was funny.  He wanted to know everything about me.. too long for texts.  I'm obviously a very complex woman, I text random people after my household has gone to sleep..ya, really complex, maybe slightly lightheaded, I'm exhausted and drinking scotch... NEVER TEXT/ WRITE/ CALL WHEN DRINKING !!!! the new "Golden Rule" in my book.  He told me he was 33, I didn't divulge my age. :)  He asked me for a pic, I asked him for one, knowing full well it could be a full nude... why is it so many men are so willing to send full nude shots of themselves over the internet... you know it's out there forever right?   He responded with 'I asked you first'... I texted 'really? you're gonna play that game.. I'm the woman I always get what I want!!'... ding, ding, ding... his  non-nude pic arrived on my phone from 3000 miles away, that in and of itself is so incredible to me still (that will give you some indication of my age) I am still and always will be amazed with all things techy.  Anyway a promise is a promise and I fired one off to him for thanks in trusting me and sending his first after I demanded it.  We are both very good looking people... good it could have been really awkward if he wasn't  lol.   Again the universe? What is the point of a random mistaking  wrong number phone call and text messaging.  I don't know, maybe someday I'll find out.

Have a wonderful nite,

~J
FB page w/pics getting sexy w/Jane catalog :)

Single and Playing well with others :)

 


I was definitely starting  the next phase of my life.

I went to Shoppers Drug Mart and walked confidently down the condom aisle........ and kept right on walking down the aisle and around the corner.  I stopped a few aisles over and looked through some magazines.  My god, I am a single woman now!  I AM STRONG,  hear me roar.."ROAR" I marched right back down that aisle.  I stopped and was so goddam confused, since when is there more than 3 choices?   Christ on a stick, was I supposed to Google this whole thing first?   I knew my first choice was going to be a bright pretty box that touted ‘For Her Pleasure”, well that made perfect sense to me.  I bought 4 boxes in different colours.  Then I saw ‘small, medium, large and extra large’, really? who ever buys small?  I bought everything from medium up, hoping of course to have to refill the extra large box first. :) That aisle was pretty exciting, lubes, gels, heating, vibrating, some come with ‘thumb vibrators’, gotta get a few of those. The choices went on and on. I was feeling pretty 'cocky'.   My purchases were in my basket, I waltzed right up to that checkout, plopped every package down and smiled, she smiled, I smiled again, she was uncomfortable, the line up was building, I giggled nervously ‘ bachelorette  party’, she nodded her head knowingly, so did everyone in the line.  Apparently young women do this all the time.  I will have to work on this part.  I took them to my office and filed them.  Don’t ask me why, seemed like the most logical step at the time.  As it turns out they will come in very handy in the next little while, filed away under condoms, in my bottom drawer. *note to self, tell my girlfriend; if I die suddenly, throw my phone out, throw my laptop out and empty my bottom drawer.


After exploring a few options like leaving town and going out to bars, leaving town and going to ‘event’s, and finally leaving town to just maybe hopefully meet people I’ve never met before anywhere!  The only thing I learned was I had to leave town.  I hated that.  I love where I live, I am expected by some to stay here, where I live, my friends, my family, my clients, my eye doctor, doctor-doctor, dentist, they all love me.... I couldn’t leave.  I was spending more time away than here.  The choice was clear, get on the internet, write a few ridiculous paragraphs about myself, crop out my husband from my pictures and meet unknown axe murders.  Yup! That was the way to go!  I had a mission.   So began my mission to ‘sexplore’.  I forgot to mention, I wanted to have sex, and lots of it, with him, her, them, us, you guys over there.  I just wanted to do things I hadn’t done before.   So the online profile was started; long walks on the beach? No I actually hate the beach.  Candlelit dinners?  Not so much, must love animals? again no. I was reading other women’s profiles to get a ‘feel’ for what it was all about, none of them rang true for me. So I wrote something a little different.  I was honest, not too verbose but very succinct. 

“ so... I'm looking for that elusive "something", a great sexual compatibility....there are never any expectations... you never know where it's going to come from, generally speaking it starts with mutual attraction, so you must have a pic...( i won't talk to you unless you have a pic )  be willing to actually meet, do the cursory chemistry check, and whatever happens, happens, i don't want to marry you, most times I'm not even gonna care if you talk.

if it's great it will last....We'll have lots of fun, if it's not , it won't, no harm, no foul, and we move on. easy, no drama, neither one of us having to flee in the middle of the nite....

first date? how quaint, lets meet for a drink and do the chemistry check, you’re coming to me and you’re buying”
 Well, let the games begin.  I was pretty sure what I wanted and what I didn’t want.  These online sites all ask for a profile picture, that’s only fair. How on earth would you ever know if you were attracted to someone unless you see their pic first.  I added one, then I added some more, I didn't’ want to play any silly games of having a 15 year old pic, I took new ones and added them.  I am a BBW ( big beautiful woman) and I wasn’t hiding it.  I was an overweight woman, who was 47 years old, had 3 grown children, lived in a tiny, tiny apartment, in a really small town...and I wouldn’t change a thing.  I am what I am, and I love it!  My body has been through a lot, but it’s my temple and there were/are many men who worship here. 

 I put my profile up on a few sites.  Then I walk away.  I don’t search anyone, I don’t message anyone, I don’t go back on until I need to answer a message from someone.  My next victim was just around the corner.  We talked online for days, it’s was so much fun talking to people I would never otherwise have met.  We talked, we flirted, we emailed.  You get that little excitement in your tummy when you see mail from that male.   He was beginning to sound too good to be true and my 47 years of life have taught me to double check.  He was married, he was 27, and he had no plans to actually ever meet he just liked what he considered the ‘dirty talk’ so he could masturbate to it.  I blasted him from here to kingdom come!  What a waste of time.  On the other hand I learned more lessons and added to my rule book.  Rule number 5;  (you will read rule numbers 1-4 further on) some men are sneaky, I know, I know, women are too, blah, blah, blah.  But overall men are more so, they want sex and lots of it with no questions asked.  So in the future have a few conversations with him, lull him into a false sense of security, gently tell him you are interested in a 3some, ask if he is attached and could we all meet.  You will be amazed how many men will say, a) I am married but my wife would never..... b) I am exclusive to one woman, she would never....c) I'm attached and yes she would be interest.... and finally....d) nope no partner we will have to find one.  Date “D”.  Walk away from the liars, they will make you and someone else’s life miserable.  If a guy were reading this he would defend man-kind and say woman-kind were just as bad, perhaps we are but I'm not trying to date a woman.

 So I have penned in my first date.  I don't 'pencil' in a date, if they can't made a solid plan with me I'm not interested.

 My first date!  How exciting, I’ve not dated in years, what do I wear? AGH!!!!!!  Pants? Dress?  Flat shoes, high shoes, perfume? body spray? Do I take condoms? NO!!!  I decided to be myself, wear pants, a great bra, and nice blouse with semi high shoes.  My ‘date’ was a 6’8” biker type guy.  Dirty jeans, dirtier shoes that his feet didn’t fit into, sitting at a table too small for him, nursing a beer, looking sad and crazy at the same time.  He does not look like his picture. That’s when I learned rule number 1, do not meet anyone for the first time for dinner.  Looking back on it, I don't recall saying I would meet him for dinner.  I had said drink.....  I would become a pro later on, but these earlier days were ridiculously silly and a huge waste of my time.  My only thought was how do I gracefully leave?  I can’t, I’m stuck.  He had ordered a beer for me, didn’t ask me what I wanted just ordered everything for me.  Before I was finished my beer the appetizer arrived, I don’t like too much seafood and this was the seafood I don’t like.  I would be graceful under most circumstances but I am not putting anything in my mouth I don’t like, that too would change later but now I’m sticking to it. 

The dinner conversation was dismal.  He is bankrupt, he lives in a room, in a house owned by someone else, he can’t work, he is fighting with his ex, he doesn’t get to see his 6 yr old son; did I mention my kids were grown up?  The dinner arrived...which I hadn't even ordered...egads, a very ungraceful burger piled about 6 inches high.  How the hell or why would you eat something so big and awkward on a first date, this meal is for a 4th or 5th date, when you don’t mind dripping mustard down your chin onto the front of you shirt and you might even be able to pull off looking cute and silly doing it.  I couldn’t imagine it getting any worse.  It did.  He said he liked me.  Really?  I’ve not spoken yet. Maybe he likes the quiet type.  I’m not the quiet type.  I am however the type with manners and I didn’t want to interrupt him while he was spilling his guts about his horrible life.

Wow, what a catch he would be.  I would make all the money, babysit the child while he went to meet his ex to fight over everything it seems.   I discovered it would get worse.  He said women dated him because he was so tall and had such big feet...wink, wink, nudge, nudge!  He reflected back and says he wants to date for reasons other than that.   I just chewed on my hamburger, hoping for mustard to fall down my shirt or choke so I could leave.  I don’t know how but it got worse still.  He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, he said if I fell in love with him I would have to nurse him until he got better.  At that point  I literally looked around the pub to see if my friends were hiding somewhere or I was on hidden camera.  It was over the top unbelievable.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I got up, thanked him for coming to meet me and wished him luck in his search.  Date number one, done, off the list, on to bigger...well maybe not bigger....but it had to get better.

~Jane... learning to run and run fast!

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