So no one really knows that much about me yet. I am single and I play..... I play a lot. I love meeting new men who might be able to hold my interest for longer than for a few months. If you can do that then you are an exceptional man in my books. I'm not just wondering around finding new men to fuck and date or rather to date and fuck, I'm actually searching in my off time for a man who will add to my life.
I thought I found him 6 months ago but alas, he was married. I fell in love with him before we actually ever met, ( realizing of course you can not fall in love with someone you've never met, because...well, because you've never met. I fell in love with the idea of who he could be when I finally meet him) He was charming, intelligent, shared the same interests as me, was adorable although a little older than he would admit to, which of course makes him very vain. A trait I'm not keen on. When we met, he told me he was living with his wife although they were not sleeping together. He still loved her of course, she was the mother of their children, but he wasn't 'in love' with her any longer. As a spokesperson for a few dating sites, I can tell you a lot of people are in the same situation. I was with my ex husband for 4 yrs after we had decided to break up because our son was in a car accident and it took 4 yrs to rehabilitate and finish the lawsuit.. so living together is not foreign to me. Neither he nor I dated anyone else while we were going through this time in our family life with one of our children. It would have been completely disrespectful to each other. I didn't have sex for 4 years.... but I masturbated more than I ever thought possible. :)
He hoped to be able to separate, move on with his life and find a woman that met all of his needs and that he would be in love with, eventually retire and do the things he loved to do; paint, write songs & poetry, play his guitars all the while snug as a bug knowing his 'love' was close by to kiss, hold and have crazy hot sex with.... and supposedly that was me.
He was good, he talked the talk, but he couldn't walk the walk. It became evident that his wife didn't have the same plan. Let's call him Henry... Henry couldn't be with me in the evenings. We lived a small distance apart so I put it down to a busy work week and not enough time in the day. We would meet in Toronto, about halfway for both of us, go to the Art Gallery, go out for lunch, we met one afternoon at a fabulous club and spent the time making love. I would get snippets of what his life was like at home. His wife was really stressed at work and he didn't want to add to her stress by not being there, one of them had crashed their vehicle and Henry drove his wife to work every morning and picked her up every night... that explained why he was never around in the evenings, he would leave me, smelling of me, tasting of me and go home to his wife. I asked him to meet me on the weekends, he couldn't. Of course not, how could he explain to the wife he was separated from that he had a girlfriend. They went on a vacation together in the early spring, he had told me it was already booked and he 'had' to go. He promised me he was going to tell her while they were away, so he would be free to be with me more. Can you spell 'STUPID, STUPID, STUPID' at this point. Love is fucking blind... I had been dating for 6 years and NEVER would date or fuck a married man and now look where I am.
Upon his return I asked how the 'talk' went....he didn't bring it up. She had a migraine most of the time and he didn't want to be accused later of ruining her/their last vacation together. I took a giant step back and thought about the situation I found myself in. The problem was I really enjoyed his company, enjoyed the conversations, enjoyed the love making. Not sure at that point where my heart was. I had fallen hard at the beginning but the feelings now, as I got to know him were starting to wane. I would look at him and wonder how much of what he was telling me was real or true. At that point we were talking everyday, everyday! sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. He would call me in the morning to say 'good morning' again at night to say 'good night'. How could he possibly have time for anything else? Everything he said seemed real....but... there was an underlying something, I couldn't put my finger on it. He would shut his phone off at 6pm at night and not turn it back on till almost midnight, he didn't want any calls or texts from me while he was at home in the evenings, he would wait until she had gone to bed to call me and say good nite.
One night he called at 5:45 on his way to pick up his wife. I was furious. Two things, our calls had been reduced to maybe once a day, he would tell me he was going to call me and not call. So he was squeezing in a call to me before the end of the day. I was mad because I was being 'squeezed' in and I thought very badly of him for doing the same to his wife. I can tell you from experience women tend to stick together, it's the cheating man that is the problem not the women. He was hiding me from her, and was telling me he was going to leave her. She and I are on the outside and he is in the middle.
I told him I needed to take a step back to see what I wanted to do. When I spoke to him again, I said we would see each other as friends, from here on because I didn't want to wait any longer. I needed a month or so away from him before I could see him again.. if ever.
I took some time to be alone. I had re-constituted my dating profiles, and spoken to a few men and had met a few of them, but I wasn't ready. Four weeks later I sent Henry a text asking if he wanted to meet, I was going into the city to stay overnight for meetings. He wanted to join me at the hotel. He didn't get back to me for almost a week. I went into the city, had my meetings, met Adam, an old friend of mine, one thing led to another and he spent the night with me. Then I spent the next few days at his place. It was great to be in the company of someone I knew and enjoyed, we had always been great friends and very compatible in bed. He is much younger than me, so I never want it to go any further... but man oh man, he has stamina.
When I spoke to Henry next he said he would call me and we would meet the next week... I smiled and nodded knowing he wouldn't remember to do so. The week went by, he never called. Honestly at this point, I was long finished hoping there was going to be anything, I just had this need to take it the very end.
The end came yesterday, I was with friends having cocktails, had made plans to go away for the weekend to a swingers club. I texted Henry to let him know the club was around the corner from his house. He called me right away. Was it that is was around the corner or was he upset thinking I was going to a swingers club? I'll never know and I don't care. In our conversation he had told me he and his wife were going away in a week to try and make their marriage work. I am so glad I was a part of all of that.... no, not at all. I hate that I let myself be dragged into that. In the time I knew him he had admitted to 4 other affairs in the last 20 yrs. Always in the back of my head I knew I was the same as the others. He says he can count them all as his good dear friends and hopes to be able to do so with me. That cannot happen. I do not like or respect him any longer, my 'friends' would never treat me so badly.
He lied to me, he lies to his wife, he lies to his children, he lies to his co-workers. I couldn't live like that I don't know how anyone can. Karma is always watching, and someone will come along someday that he wants to be with, with all of his heart and she will turn her back on him, because she will be smart enough to walk away from a married man.. I wish I had been smart enough.
I have no respect for a man who cheats on his wife. There is no reason on this planet to be with someone you say you don't want to be with..there is no reason...period. Cheating is cheating and it makes you a terrible person. I left my gorgeous home, my friends, my neighbourhood, my pets, my 'things' because I was sad and wanted to find happiness for myself before I die. I gave up everything to find happiness. That is the right way to do it. If one person in a marriage isn't happy, then neither one is going to be. Both people need to have the balls to stand up and do what is right for each other, bow to each other, have respect for the life you lived together and wish each other good luck. That's love, that's respect. No matter what the situation, always, ALWAYS take the high road, you will never regret it.
I am heading out to a week end of absolute fun and debauchery.....the married people there are completely out in the open about why they are there...the single people are going to mingle and mix it up...did I mention I've been hired by a Condom company to 'test drive' their product and write a review on here? lol I'll do my best .
so looking forward to it.. will fill you in on Monday
~ Jane.. a fleeting few months of stupidity not to be repeated again.
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